Tuesday, July 31, 2001

Mmmmm.... this weekend has been truly great. I don't even remember Friday night- oh yeah, I was home alone. :-( But that was preceded by a good day and followed by a good day, so no worries! Yay good day sandwiches! Jocelyn's party was mainly fun- we stayed up all night and watched the sun rise, which was a first for me. Then I went all Sunday on a lack of food and sleep... that was definitely a strange experience. A lot of the time, I was really out of it, and saying strange things, but sometimes I had a lot of energy. I guess it's the universal two o'clock in the morning theory in practice. It's funny how lots of people now think of two o'clock as an ideal time- so far, both Robert and Jocelyn have mentioned it (Robert a lot earlier, to give him credit).

There was some bad stuff this weekend too- basically, me just thinking about myself too much. I think that sometimes I think that if I'm happy with the way things are going, that's all that really matters. So I do stuff that can end up hurting other people, and no matter how bad I feel afterwards, tears don't really fix anything. I guess I was taking my new "no worries" philosophy a bit far. Maybe it's the fact that I was pretty unhappy for a while there, and that was unusual for me- so now whenever I'm having a really great time I kind of jump at the chance to make it even better and happier, no matter what the consequences may be. That's a big part of it. I think there's more to say on that subject, but I'm not sure if I even know it yet- what I just said actually surprised me with its clarity.

Does this work? (checking to make sure Blogger saves what I write because it's apparently not publishing)

Friday, July 27, 2001

First of all: I'M FREE!!! My summer has officially started! Yes, that's right, ladies and gents: I AM DONE WITH SUMMER SCHOOL!! Not only that, I got an A on my final, meaning an assured A in the class. I was so happy when I was taking the bus down to the pier to meet some friends that it was unbelievable. I was so eager that I was running through the pier parking lot, just because I could. And when everyone was so worried about not getting enough sleep this weekend, I just didn't care. It was a truly great feeling. Even though I had a really high grade before the final, I still wanted to do well to leave a good impression on the teacher. But now it doesn't matter anymore... because I did and I have nothing else to worry about for weeks.

For the hour or two after I got out of class, I was really hyper. I wish I had gotten a chance to do something besides go to the pier, but it turns out that no one could even come over so I was left alone with my book. Not too bad of a fate, actually, but I was looking forward to having people over (or at least Laura or Robert) and turning up the music really loud and doing crazy stuff. But I guess it won't be happening tonight. Maybe tomorrow at Jocelyn's party...

I think now that my class is over, I'm going to start concentrating on things that I really need to concentrate on to get done- clarinet, running and cleaning my room. I know the last doesn't sound like a big feat, but believe me, it is. I want to actually clean it out, not just clean it up. We'll see how all my lofty goals turn out... I'll keep you updated.

Wednesday, July 25, 2001

Man- once again, I haven't posted in just short of a week. Bad, bad me. I think I'm just not online-obsessive enough to have a blog. But no worries, faithful (?) readers- I'll keep chugging away. (That reminds me of a quote I heard once: "As the author once said at his book reading- 'Move to the front, all three of you'"... or something like that.) So, my life in the last 6 days- nothing too exciting. I'll post some key memories:

*thinks hard about which day she did stuff on, and then begins*

Well, Jocelyn and I had a sleepover on Saturday- we made pretty (at least one) bracelets to celebrate our frienship. It was a cute little ritual that actually wasn't very ritualistic because of all the swear words and cursed bracelets. But that's another story. I think it's interesting how people have the need to reach out for other people- pair up, group up, etc. Of course, there are people who are loners, who prefer their own company to that of anyone else at all times. But these people are so few and far between- most of us always have the need for social interaction. And we also have the need to qualify our friendships. This doesn't happen as much when people get younger, but you still hear conversations that hark back to the second grade hierarchy of friendship: "Who's your best friend?" "Are you better friends with her than you are with me?" - and yet, with all this apparent standoffishness (definitely not the right word- I'm looking for something that describes the fact that I seem to see this clearly, without bias), I also search for friendships like this. Strange...

Monday (feels like yesterday) was surpringly good. Not that I expected it to be a bad day, but it was good in ways that I wouldn't have expected. For example, some of the most fun I had all day was at my clarinet lesson. And no matter how much of a band dork I may seem, this is definitely not usually the case. It was great because I spent most of the time playing duets with my teacher, and for a bit, instead of being teacher and student, we were just two musicians, who were making passably good music together. It was the kind of moment that makes all these years of study really seem like they were for something, instead of just something I do because... I don't even know why. I do it because I've really always done it, because it's good for colleges, because it's fun.... but I never really think of it as something I could love. But sometimes, at moments like that, I think it is truly something I could spend the rest of my life doing. That's when I get inspired to practice every day... as well as running, and cleaning my room, and all of the things that I seem to need to be truly inspired to do.

Had lots of wonderful times with Robert... last night I thought I wasn't going to see him for the rest of the week, so I convinced my mom to bring me over there and we had a great time... but it turns out I've seen him twice today already. Oh well, it made my argument even more convincing.

Now I'm signing off because I'm tired and I wasn't even going to post... so this is pretty impressive. I will post sooner next time! *crosses her fingers in hopes that she doesn't have to go back and erase that*

Thursday, July 19, 2001

Wow- it's been an awful long time since I've updated. Almost a week. This is my old diary writing habit of starting a diary and then not writing for months and months. Each entry would start with "Sorry I haven't written in so long" or a variation on that theme.
It's been a long week. Right now I have a cold, and since being sick always makes things drag out, it seems like it's been even longer. Summer is the absolute worst time to be sick. It feels okay to be sick when it's a horrible day outside, but when it's sunny, and the birds are chirping, and little kids are running around outside, it just feels so out of place.
So- a few tidbits about everything I've done since last Friday afternoon- I saw Legally Blonde with Jocelyn (it was a fun, girl's night out kind of thing- hanging out with Jocelyn is always fun because we talk so much! It's great), went to the beach, went to an Offspring concert on Saturday night... my first concert! It was so much fun!! We were in the very very back row, but we still got into the music and were dancing and jumping around. We wanted to go down to the pit but you had to have special tickets to get in... when my mom heard about that, she was disapproving. I guess mosh pits were for everybody when she was a girl... but anyways, the concert was really great and I hope I get a chance to go to a lot more in the future. Again, with the whole really getting into the music thing- I seem to be having a lot of epiphanies about that lately (or at least writing about them). In a live setting, of course, any music totally surrounds you, but because it was good music and we were screaming along with the songs, it was great.
The rest of the week was pretty uneventful- went running and surfing (which is going really well- we're going back next week, even though we haven't signed up for new lessons. We were actually out there with the real waves, and I was almost able to catch a few! It was so much fun!), and then yesterday, I got sick. Dear, darling Robert picked me up from SMC and took care of me all afternoon. He's such a sweetheart! It was so nice having someone there, especially because otherwise, I would have been all alone with the TV and my stuffed animals (isn't that a depressing picture?)
But I'm already feeling better, and tomorrow I have a quiz that I am really not ready for, so I think it's my duty to go study for that. Hopefully I'll update a little quicker next time!

Friday, July 13, 2001

It's Friday! Yes! A wonderful weekend, that started last night, lies ahead. Right now I'm listening to "Me First and the Gimme Gimmes Blow in the Wind"; the song that's playing right now is All My Loving (Beatles), which is awfully coincidental considering what I did last night. First, a note on the CD: MFATGG are a punk cover band that only covers songs in a punk-ish sort of way. This CD has songs from the 60s- a few I know, a few I don't, but all of them revamped in a really great way. It's funny- a lot of these songs, when you listen to the originals, sound very sappy and innocent, but if you actually listen to the words (as you are often forced to do during punk songs), they have really interesting scenarios and messages. I just realized that "My Boyfriend's Back" is about a girl who cheated on her boyfriend, but is now threatening her lover by telling him her boyfriend is coming back and will kick his ass. I always thought it was such a happy, lovey-dovey song!

The "last night" that I mentioned earlier was going to the Pier to see the Fab Four (Beatles imitators) in one of the free concerts. They were SO good!!! They sounded almost exactly like the Beatles, and it was so cool to hear the songs that I've heard all my life played in a concert setting. It was really wonderful, because everyone was singing and dancing and getting into it. The guys in the band created a really great atmosphere too- they didn't try to pretend they were the Beatles or anything (though they did go by their names and wear costumes and wigs) but they said a lot of great stuff about the band and also sounded a LOT like them. The music itself is just so good, and so familiar, that I got really into it. Truly great music like the Beatles just makes you feel so wonderful. The sound of the band and the songs (especially since it was in a concert setting) was so enveloping and absorbing that it was amazing. It was a truly great beginning to what is looking like a wonderful weekend (even with the low Robert forecast :-().

Wednesday, July 11, 2001

La la la (<----Bridget Jones/Georgia Nicolson influence... those damn English!) I'm so relaxed and unstressed. Today was relatively uneventful- biggest thing that went on was that I wanted to get a ride home from Kai, but his dad got a flat. First we had to try and fix it, but after getting the wheel out and the car jacked up (Kai was lying in the road awfully close to the cars going by), we found out that we couldn't get the wheel off! So Kai and I walked back to his house in an fruitless effort to get there before his sister did. That was nice, because I got to talk with Kai, which I do pretty rarely. It's always nice to just have a reasonably long stretch of relaxed conversation with somebody. Part of the joys of summer... (of which I seem to be compiling quite a list).

Tuesday, July 10, 2001

Wow, I feel like so much has happened since I last blogged (is that a word? well, now it is!). Truth be told, I was going to come online and update last night, but Jocelyn called and we talked for too long. That's okay, though, I enjoyed it more than typing and communicating to an infinite, yet probably very small, audience.

Let me think... Oh! Sunday I went to a Sparks game- that was a lot of fun, because I got to go to a basketball game (which I barely ever do) and also go to the Staples Center, which was very exciting. It's a big place! Monday morning I had a surfing lesson, which was SO MUCH FUN!!! I've wanted to learn how to surf for such a long time, and I'm really glad that it lived up to my expectations. I hate it when you always look forward to something and it turns out badly. Sure, it's fun to dream about it, but it is ultimately more rewarding for your dream to actually come true. I guess situations like that is where the proverb comes from- to paraphrase: "It is not the destination that matters, but the journey." But surfing was everything I expected and more. It was such a thrill to actually stand up and ride a wave! I know any veteran surfer would be shaking their head about here- after all, I wasn't even on waves, just white water (the part of the wave after it breaks). But hopefully I'll be able to catch some real waves tomorrow. I would also hope that all those veteran surfers would remember the thrill of learning how to surf, and fondly look back upon that feeling of total enjoyment that led them to becoming the veteran surfers they are today (wow, that sounds like a commencement speech or something).

Right now I'm coincidentally listening to the Weezer song about going surfing. It's from the first CD, but I haven't listened to it in a while because my sister screwed mine up and I had to go get another one. Grrr... I really like their new CD too, which I borrowed from my sister. I wish it was longer, though. The great thing about Weezer, and the Green Album in particular, is their sound. When I listen to them, I feel like I'm totally inside the sound. It completely surrounds me. It's what I always think of as a wall of sound- it would just be overpowering visually, because it would go on and on and on. I love music that can just get inside you and make you feel amazing things. Someday, I'll post a list of songs that can do that to me- homage to High Fidelity, I suppose: "Top Five Songs that can Make You Feel Truly Amazing Inside."

Sunday, July 08, 2001

Well, I thought I was just going to come online and post quickly, but then I got involved in trying to mess with the HTML on my blog and failing miserably. I'll have to ask one of my more technologically-inclined friends for help. All I want to do is put my e-mail address on the dumb blog! Grrr....

Now that I'm on for longer, I might as well add more of an update about my life. Yesterday I also went shopping with my mom- it was a very family oriented day, overall. I got some great new jeans (the description is: sexy low rise, slim to knee, hot shape... I don't know about all that, but I like the jeans) and also a comforter for my bed. Last night, I felt like I was in a hotel room because the comforter kind of reminded me of those scratchy cotton blankets they have in average hotels. I'm sure I just have to wash it to make it nice and soft and cuddly, but it was strange because I haven't stayed in a hotel like that since last year, really, because I'm not playing club soccer anymore. European hotels don't count, because... well, they're European, and so you put up with whatever you get because you're in Italy/Paris/London.

I've also been on the main blogger website looking at all the updated blogs. It's amazing how many people have blogs, and are updating them right at this second! Every minute, there are four or five more updated blogs. It kind of gives me a sense of awe that there are so many people in the world doing the exact same thing as I'm doing, all of us connected on this strange thing called "blogger". That's why the internet is truly so amazing, even though we're all used to it by now- it can bring together so many people in this huge, mixed up world and connect them!
*sigh of contentment* It's a glorious Sunday morning, and I'm actually out of bed reasonably early (compared to the last few days), so I was a good girl and did some chemistry homework. Maybe I'll read another chapter later, but as for now, I think I'm just going to relax. Maybe I'll go to the beach later- it seems like such a long time since I've been there, even though it's only been a few days. Time just goes slower in the summer, making you think that every day is two or three. It definitely feels like it, especially with all that I'm able to do with my day now! Especially compared to the school week, when I do nothing but school and sports and rejoice when it's the weekend. Now, I have school, but I can still sleep in and do stuff afterwards. I love summer!

Saturday, July 07, 2001

I've been thinking about getting a blog/online diary for a while, but at the encouragement of my darling (as of a few days ago) boyfriend, I finally did it. That, and I really had nothing else to do online.

I've always though blogs were pretty cool, but I was discouraged by the sudden competition that sprung up between a few of my friends a while back over who was reading whose blogs. It seemed pointless to add another competitor to the great game of blogging, and I didn't have too much to say (or too much time to say it) at that point anyways. But now it's summer, glorious summer, and I have tons of free time to do whatever I want.

Tonight (though I didn't get to see Robert) I had a good time, because I went with a few friends to the big screen showing of Monty Python and the Holy Grail. That is such a fabulous movie! MP is such smart, funny comedy. It makes me laugh to compare it to what passes for comedy in Hollywood these days. It's almost blasphemous to even mention Pootie Tang (a horrific adaptation of an SNL sketch that I walked out of) or Scary Movie 2 (which was funny in a disgusting sort of way) in the same breath as Monty Python.